Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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