Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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