somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
