when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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