You really coming over, don't trick.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
