I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
