if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
