i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
