Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
