Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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