he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
