shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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