I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i think i have herpe
just one?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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