drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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