he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
