He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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