my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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