they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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