Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
