OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
