OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
