The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
