All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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