Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize
