someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
