my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
