i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
it's like iHOP with fire
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
