What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
