For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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