He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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