my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
