Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
