i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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