I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Randomize
