party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
