So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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