woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
