so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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