Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
