Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
