i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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