Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
