i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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