you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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