You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
its liver damage thursday
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
