I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
