I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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