dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just high enough for therapy.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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