I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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