The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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