How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
