After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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