I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
