in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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