i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
