btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
This can only be settled by a dance off.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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