PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
