Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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