What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
