i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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