another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
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WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
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My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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