Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
