Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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