So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
