my mouth tastes like poor choices
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
