I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
