after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
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Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
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I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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