I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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