Acid is not a monday night drug
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
