So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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