i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
