i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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