I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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