Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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