I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
