Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
