I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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