We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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