i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Send help, water and tortillas.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
