his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
