so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
smell my finger.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
