and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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