6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
