Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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