IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
