That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
if only i could text you this smell
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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