the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
