So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
