Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
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The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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