What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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