I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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