I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
